The Definitive Guide to Manic Moms

Man'ic: adj. characterized by frenzy, uncontrolled by reason

Prevention

Ten Ways to Avoid Manic Mothering

1. Practice saying ‘No’ when you are by yourself. Studies have shown that people prepared for disaster and crisis fare better than those that aren’t ready.

2. Remember that germs are everywhere – they are just too small to see, so don’t worry too much about them.

3. Keep in mind that all children, if even minimally fed, will grow.

4. Use media at will. TV didn’t kill you. It probably didn’t make you stupid either.

5. Note: Just because your children have to travel for sports does not mean that YOU always have to.

6. NEVER, under any circumstances, dress for your child’s school’s reenactment celebrations.  If you don’t question the fact that you are being asked to participate by “dressing up” you may be already too far gone.

7.  Use alchohol strategically. Although Martini’s come and go, a good glass of wine is timeless. Mojitos work, too. So do Rum and Sodas with a dash of lime. 

8. Do not turn junk food access into a form of rebellion. It’s better to go to church or insist on dance classes so that children rebel against something else.

 9.  Remember that your kids will grow up and move away (if all goes according to plan) and then you will have to find a new outlet for mania.  This will be a drag, so avoid it now.  If not, you could end up as a wacky collector or a person whose house is obsessively pristine or even someone who runs competitively for the rest of their lives.

10. Prevent mania by supporting your slacker mom friends whenever possible. Subversive secret societies can be effective in certain geographic areas.

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