The Definitive Guide to Manic Moms

Man'ic: adj. characterized by frenzy, uncontrolled by reason

Sunscreen as a Guide to Friendship

Without the manic mother, the ever-expanding sunscreen market would not exist.  SPF levels and maternal mania are directly correlated.  Prior to forming close and lasting relationships with other mothers at the preschool stage,  it’s highly advised that you secretly check the SPF on their sunscreen. If it is above 50 run like hell.  45 is in the outside safe zone, but be wary and keep at arms length until you have a good grasp on the person’s hand sanitizer and bug spray philosophy (completing the Manic Mother skin care trifecta).   A useful guide:

<SPF 15:  Casually meet at a park, no advance planning ever. But, be cautious, these people might actually be from other countries.

SPF 15: Arrange to meet for coffee now and then

SPF 30: Set up a weekly playgroup or lunch bunch at one of your homes and possibly have husbands meet

SPF 45: Meet monthly at a neutral location,  like a neighborhood pool

SPF 50: Don’t actively encourage your child to really play with this person’s child. Be polite, but not overly friendly

>SPF 50: Smile wanly when you encounter these moms and exhibit vaguely schizophrenic behavior to make sure you scared them off effectively. Twitching works. So does speaking to yourself in two or more distinct voices.


1 Comment»

  Cassie Pearson wrote @

I was tired a hour ago (1:30 am), but I just couldn’t stop reading!!! Bravo to manic mothers…I now know I’m one. This week alone I got rear ended (hit and run), filed a insurance claim, the washing machine broke…had the repair guy out to fix it only to tell me that he has to order a part, and he wont be back for 2 weeks. Did I happen to mention I have 5 children. Took my disabled son to Therapy on Tues, and Wed. Took husbands cleaning in on Tuesday, and picked it up again on Friday. The 55″ TV quit working, and I was told I have to have sinus surgery for the 3rd time. Also I’m running for the School Board -Elections in November **Dont forget to Vote**- All of this in 4 days… + I drove the kids to and from school, helped with homework, Spent time reading with them, and only went out to eat fast food once. And that was Papa Murphy’s pizza on the day I was rear ended! So there. But I can honestly say that the bug spray, hand sanatizer, sun screen never even entered my mind. BUT I KNOW IM MANIC! Any one want to trade lives…cause mine is “GREAT!”

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