The Definitive Guide to Manic Moms

Man'ic: adj. characterized by frenzy, uncontrolled by reason

Archive for May, 2009

Symptom: Hand Made Gourmet Teachers Gifts

Hand-making gourmet teacher gifts.  This is a clear indication of mom mania.  Spiced nuts, chrystalized edible flowers, cookies by the thousands, fruit cakes, parmesan cheese sticks, home made bread – any labor-intensive, culinary gift fits the bill.  The fact that teachers don’t want all of these foods and would rather a useful giftcard is irrelevant.  The point is that the sophistication of the food, elaborate and elegant packaging and clear dedication of time in producing the gifts mirrors the degree of mania. This symptom is often quickly followed by a related symptom: Creating Sewn Things.

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Symptom: Worrying About Cheetos

A bag of Cheetos, even one split between three kids, can keep a good manic mom up for nights on end.  She weighs the psychological benefits of giving her child junk food against the nutritional harm that junk food represents.  One bag is not the issue. It’s the principle that matters. The bag of food represents slippage, a giving in to the children, buckling to pressure to let the kids be like other kids – which is OK when you’re talking about Etiquette Classes and cell phones, but doesn’t quite sit right with food for some reason.  In addition, the question that complicates the issue is, ultimately, whether withholding junk food from them will result in more therapy than giving them the junk food will.  A typical solution to this problem is to buy the children expensive junk food from an organic grocer which makes the manic mom feel good even if the kids hate the taste.